i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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