Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
