I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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