My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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