Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
