Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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