Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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