Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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