I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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