All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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