Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
