1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
