stop calling my apartment porn island.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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