youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
