At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
