Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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