God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
