what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize