I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
