I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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