I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?