He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.