If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.