I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?