It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?