i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?