dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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