Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
