I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
