they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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