I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
