I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
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she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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