New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
