dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
