I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
