I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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