I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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