right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
