He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
