You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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