proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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