dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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