remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
