And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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