Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
