I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
