im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
