Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
