So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.