Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

(260): View more from Indiana

Good luck with that.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.

(678): View more from Georgia

Yea. I'm excited about this party too

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(312): View more from Illinois

He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies

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(203): View more from Connecticut

A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Update: He still has devil magic genitals.

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