the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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