So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.