By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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