I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Blood and glitter go together right?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
