Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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