I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
