I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
