So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
