Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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