he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
