just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
two words...techno handjob
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
