So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
cat food counts as protein by the way
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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