so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
