Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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