the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
