he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
