Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
