Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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