i was born a porn star she said
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
