do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
