It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need a burrito and a hug.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize