I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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