thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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