we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize