Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In other news, I just burned my penis
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
