I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
