Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
