If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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