The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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