i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
